I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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