theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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