Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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