i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So squirting runs in the family.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
