My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
