Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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