she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the raccoons are back...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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