I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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