If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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