once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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