I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
