am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
