Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
