careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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