yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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