Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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