he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
