I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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