the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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