When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
