babies were throwing up all over the place
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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