...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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