i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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