I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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