took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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