I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
