I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
