The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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