The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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