I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
FUCK WHALES
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
