Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
