You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize