Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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