I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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