Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
