Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
