i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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