What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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