Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
