They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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