Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
