how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
