i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
