I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i came on her dog
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
