Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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