You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
