i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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