hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
