well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
