Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
