If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
