I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
