He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
