ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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