once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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