A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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