Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
