I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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