I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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