I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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