They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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