ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize