you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
