I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
