my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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